Part II. The Door. (Or How God is Teaching Me to Stop Worrying About the War Inside Me and Love the Bombardment of Opportunity).

In John chapter 9, Jesus is talking to some Pharisees and his Disciples. He is trying to explain to everyone who is listening that He is no just a prophet, but the Son of Man. He is the only way to Heaven and He is desperately wanting to save them all.

I am the door. Whoever enters through me will. be. saved.

Jesus is metaphorically telling them that He is their ticket to Heaven. He is the gate keeper, the bouncer,literally the frame in which they must pass through to reach God. He is our doorway to a better life, to redemption.


Like most people who call themselves Christians, I've walked through that door. What I struggle with now is the next door. Or the forty of them that stand before me, closed.


I've always been a fan of the mantra that God will open doors for us to show us the way. Since January, I have applied for over 40 jobs. Most of them in the engineering world. Some in Atlanta, some in DC. A few in Colorado, California, Chicago, and Texas, just to mix it up a little bit.

My only problem is that all the doors I am standing before are apparently nailed shut.

Standing infront of 100 people and telling them that you don't know what you are going to do with the rest of your life is a sobering opportunity that I think everyone should go through. It makes lots of people give you lots of advice and plants lots of seeds in your head about what you should be doing. Maybe I haven't been knocking on the right doors. Maybe I'm not knocking hard enough and God wants me to kick some doors in. Maybe there is a door around the corner I haven't seen yet that is standing wide open.

The only conclusion that I've come to for now is that there are too many doors. And none of them matter. There is one door I've already passed through, and its the only one I should worry about. Since that door is always open, why worry about others being closed? I don't need any other doors. I don't need satisfaction in how many open before me.

God has an open doorway before me that I have already entered, and it is beautiful. It leads to a place that is of unspeakable glory and is better than anything imaginable. Through Him, I've found peace. I've been given hope.


Now it is just a matter of prayer and patience until God leads me further down His path that I started on once I crossed that threshold many years ago.

Hope. Faith. Joy.

Hope.

Faith.

Joy.

Three small words. Three big ideas that I constantly struggle with.

Hope that I will succeed in life, hope that I won't fail.
Faith in God, that His plan will unfold before my eyes.
Joy in the little things, daily finding happiness in my blessings.

Right now, I'm trying to trust. I have no clue where God is sending me right now, except for marrying a special girl in October. I always thought I'd have a job lined up by graduation, that I'd be making so much money- have things figured out.

I know this is God trying to teach me patience and trust, but it is hard. But I sit. and I wait. Hoping. Trying to find joy amongst angst. Putting my faith in something greater. Praying for His plan to unfold.

Part 1

We are living a story of redemption.

Amidst a world of lost, amongst people searching for a hope to cling to. They are aimless and without passion. We are caught in their wake. Of despair. Of depression. Most of all, desperation.

As our story unfolds, it is caught in the rocks.

Smothered by the debris of those around us.

We lose sight of the sun.

Of the Son.

The light that is fighting against the loss is so easily hidden as we are tossed and turned.

We lose sight of the sun.

Of the Son.

The one thing that is trying to pull us up, pull us out, pull us away from death.

We are living a story of redemption.

There is only One who is fighting for us. The world is turning against us.

There is no hope. Not in the news, not in the politics. Not in money or fame.

When we stray and turn away, He still is.

He is. There. He is. Forever. He is. I AM.

This story is unfolding before us. It is moving and changing and living. We are living.

We are living a story of redemption.

Due to Scrubs

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
Though I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams


I'm in the process of figuring a lot of things out. My mind feels like it is bursting at the seems one moment, and completely empty the next. God, I could use some clarity. I'm waiting for some guidance and for some enlightenment. I think I would like nothing more that to have God come into my life as a tangible person right now that I could sit and discuss life with. Someone I can go get coffee and just listen to their wisdom about this world we are currently inhabiting.

For now, I'll just have to settle for prayer and reflection and some fellow followers who are caught up in the same existence as me.

Because of Jesus

God uses the most impromptu situations to tell me that His plan for me is unfolding. Random conversations in unlikely, unscheduled places make me realize how blessed I am to be redeemed and how set apart the followers of Christ really are.

I guess it boils down to a bit of naivety with a mix of love for others and the belief that everyone loves other people too. When asked what I plan on doing when I graduate (or sometimes me just telling people without them asking), I share my calling to go overseas and help other people, usually it involves me putting my engineering skills to work for those that need the most help. And I really don't see it as being a big deal. Until a buddy of mine in the library today looked at me with complete shock when I unfolded this plan before him. He stared for a while, then just chuckled and remarked

"Man, Ben, I'm glad there are people like you out there. I look at people in Africa and think 'That sucks...oh well'. "

It just is something, or more specifically Someone, deep inside me that just innately calls me to serve others and to spread love to what Jesus called 'the least of these'. For me it seems only natural to have these desires and I don't think twice about it. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't feel the same way. Which just acts as a greater motivation for us to live as people of change. People of love. People who care enough about the rest of humanity and their physical, and more importantly spiritual, needs that they will give up cushy jobs and comfortable futures in order to show the world that God is the one who saves.

I am cursed, but I am redeemed

There is such conflict in our world that is represented by every aspect of human perception. Light versus dark. An innate good verse evil.


Love or hate.


And it amazes me how much everyone is affected by this struggle. Everyone wants to be loved and yet we battle against it, so influenced by evil and hate and it rages out against others. The entire world is plagued by the war that ensues daily, every minute, against our souls and against our mind, whether we will be influenced by the angel or the demon on our shoulder.

The angel or the demon. Such a childish, silly concept; a cartoonists representation. But its screaming of the truth. C.S. Lewis wrote the demonic narrative about the planning and scheming of the demons that plague the unseen parts of this world. Led by the one who's name literally means brightness, the morning star, second in beauty only to God himself. In his jealousy of God's power, the liar and murderer venges to destroy what He has created. These lies that he spews entrap so easily and put an end to all life that has been given.

We have redemption. Christ has given us hope. Jesus literally conquered death, and not just in the literal sense, but put an end to the destruction of the father of lies. All we have to do is trust in Him.

But I forget that so often. I listen to the words of guilt whispered to me, give in to the temptation and resulting shame that is thrust upon me. The serpent is so covinous that I am lost in a fog of disillusionment, loosing sight of the Light that has been shown to me. Along with the rest of the human race, I am ensnared by the lies. I am momentarily a prisoner of the darkness.



We are so incredibly blessed to have received a grace that knows no bounds and a savior who is love. For without this love, this light, this 'good', we are without hope. We are not powerful enough to combat the hatred of creation, the one who despises every part of us.

We have been saved by grace, through faith.
We have been rescued for the depths of hell.
We have been brought into the light of salvation.



The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain:


JESUS SAVES!!!

The Used....Gone soft...

I like the Used. And i'm probably one of only a few that loves their new song Smother Me.

And for anyone who was curious about the last post, I just like the song. Me and JaKing are still good.

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you’re mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

Let me be the one who never leaves
You all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling
That I’m on my own
Hold me too tight stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

When I’m alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made
Your heart break
Still I need you here with me
Baby I’m here

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
How can I breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I’m all over you
would you smother me?